Twenty-Five

In my desperation all that time ago, when all I had known to do was to run from my problems with Charlotte, I had come across a lone man leaned against a sign post several miles from the home she and I shared. He wore all black with what I now know as a cigarette perched between his lips.

“Cassius,” he sneered from beneath his wide-billed hat. “Funny seeing you here.”

“Do I know you?” I might not have asked, for his presence in the night was intimidating, even as I remember it.

“I know you,” he mocked, his clothes and demeanor from another time, a style I would eventually adopt for myself. I was distraught when I came across him, the pain of my wife’s sadness too much to bear. “You’ve been naughty,” I vaguely remember hearing, the word ‘naughty’ most of all because it seemed so out of place both then and in my mind’s eye.

The man was confusing, both condescending and strangely flirtatious. It was only when he flicked his cigarette to the side and approached me that I realized the interaction might be dangerous.

“Leave me,” I demanded, my voice stronger than my sinking stomach, the stranger’s presence no longer welcome.

“Don’t you want to discuss?” Smoke dripped from his lips even in absence of the cigarette, and rather than dissipating in the air, it fled into his nostrils, only for the man to exhale the smoke like breath once more. “I admire you. Your tenacity. Your diligence in destroying your wife to extremes. Your…” A fresh puff of air flooded from his nose with his next word: “malfeasance.”

“What do you want from me?” I remember thinking without vocalizing, taking a step back from the stranger as he continued to approach.

“I want to extend to you an opportunity,” he finally purred, his hands tucking into his pockets. “I think I have the perfect life for you.”

The memory skipped to the infinitely bright, infinitely loud venue that was Hell. We were there, suddenly before a massive throne, on which the being I knew instantly was Satan sat. He was tremendously intimidating but I tried to stand tall, nothing about the situation seeming real in the least.

Screams and moans filled the air but when the throned being spoke, everything seemed to silence to make way for his voice to travel to its intended target. I processed so little of what the being said, the sound so loud that I couldn’t hear more than a deafening pierce, but my mind was transformed into the mindset I assumed he put me.

The man in black knelt next to me, his head bowed to the being, though Satan didn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t following suit. Instead, I was suddenly flooded with knowledge, history and lore of a world I never knew existed. My brain seared with the experience, then and now, and in the memory, I found myself on all fours, my body seizing with the pain of overwhelming knowledge and clarity.


I opened my eyes, back at the table, holding the cold, pale hands of Miriam and Charlotte, with the man in black sitting across from me. He winked again, cigarette smoke once more emanating from his nostrils. “I told you you’d be perfect for this life. I didn’t know how perfect then, but I’ve kept an eye on you. You’re more than impressive. I would love for you to join us.”

“Is this real?” I asked, but why? Would he tell me if it weren’t?

“This is what Leviathan can do, darling,” she purred, suddenly Jinn again before me. She nodded to the depths of the room we were in. “You and me, sharing a channel, through the energy of the succubi. We can do so much with Glow now, you can’t even begin to imagine. And now, with yours and Henry’s machines, with all we’ve been able to learn over the last decade, the possibilities are endless. It can be harvested and transferred into anyone. A new cosmetic procedure, a whole chain of loan companies, life or death purposes, Collin. It’s amazing what it can do.”

I looked at Miriam with understanding for the first time, suddenly terrified of this room, of this table, of the light and of the chill of her and Charlotte’s hands. I released from the circle, or tried to, as I pulled to tend to Miriam, but I was stuck, frozen where I sat, with my arms outstretched on the table. “I want this to stop. I don’t want to speak this way. Let them go.”

Jinn nodded and as she closed her eyes, mine closed too. We were back in the room we were in before, Stew still missing, though now Miriam and Charlotte were collapsed in the floor. Jinn moved to sit on a tall armchair as I knelt next to my love. I took Miriam’s hand in mine, and though cold, her pulse was evident in her wrist. I reached for Charlotte to confirm the same.

“They’re fine; that’s the magic of it. We can do a lot without losing the demons. It will make the politics of the thing go much smoother.” Jinn crossed her long legs, eyeing me patiently. “This can significantly enrich demonic life, Collin. I’m sure you see the potential. We can use it on humans, sure, but look.” Jinn snapped her fingers and Stew entered, a syringe in hand. “It’s as easy as this. Camo for the lycans, medicine for humans, endless potential for us. I’m certain you can see the power in this.”

I reached for the syringe and though Stew flinched, Jinn remained poised.

“Right now, we need to prove our prototype,” Jinn continued. “For that, we need Glow. It’s a nasty business at the start, and Charlotte got a little overzealous with our instructions, but once we’ve ironed out the kinks of harvesting from non-demons, there is nothing we won’t be able to tackle with this technology.”

“So this is Glow?” I asked, unsure of the radiating vial between my fingers.

“It is. Injected, it feels just as if you’ve harvested. Except, obviously, you haven’t.”

I eyed Miriam, lying on the ground, unconscious. “And if I injected her, it would be as if she hadn’t been used for the channel?”

Jinn’s eyes glimmered. “Exactly. You already see potential for it. I knew you’d be perfect.”

“So it could keep us from having to harvest? Ever?” My mind was racing. I knew Miriam’s reservations about the project, at least those that she would share with me, but it did seem an insanely useful technology to ignore.

“Absolutely. You could live a full, uninhibited life, receiving the injections on a regular basis.” Jinn stood as her excitement grew. She approached me and I rose to meet her eye level. She was intimidating, this demon spawn, and I felt like a pawn in her game. “You could live a normal life. If you help us finish Leviathan, I will guarantee you injections for the rest of your days. No price, just as my thanks.”

A life unencumbered. My heart thudded in my chest. I had signed over my normalcy so long ago, I couldn’t remember what it was like to feel unburdened by my intimate curse. “What is your end game? It isn’t money,” I managed, trying to see beyond her eyes, to see through her, into her, but I couldn’t. “Say this works. Leviathan is finished. Then what?”

“Then I use the power to complete my takeover,” Jinn whispered sweetly, as if it weren’t the huge, war-inducing coup it would inevitably be. “With this, he’ll stand no chance. Perhaps we can do the transfer of power with little bloodshed of our kind. I want my birthright, that’s all.”

My ears pounded as they flushed with blood. My head was hot, my chest tight, my stomach churning. I needed Miriam, conscious and supportive. But then, I didn’t know Miriam at all. I was her pawn, too. “And if I refuse?”

“It would be a shame if you did,” Jinn shrugged, easing back into her chair. She was giving me space to breathe. “You are next for archdemon. You’re either with me or against me. We could be rid of you, if that’s what you prefer. Or, you could help. I will not have my dissenters in power. I won’t make you help us, but you can’t walk away like you know nothing.”

“And them?” I found myself asking before I realized I had formed the words.

“The girls have choices of their own to make, but ultimately they face the same crossroads as you. We’re all in this together, or we aren’t.”

I paused, my eyes trailing to Miriam once again. What did I want, without her?

“Freedom?” Jinn dangled and my heart caught in my throat. I snapped my gaze to her.

“What?”

“If I were in power, I could release you from this prison. You could be human again, free of this burden. I could even give you a do-over, if you like.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Human again? If I had been human, I could have been better to Sophie. I could have had my mundane, boring life with my darling, boring Miriam. I could have another shot? Jinn smiled. Could she hear my thoughts or did she just know what to say?

“I can do your Sophie the same favor.”

Light flashed behind my eyes as I thought of her, sweet Sophie, getting a do-over. Getting to breathe, and live, and have a new shot, a different shot with or without me, but if with me, with a human me, and what would that even amount to? My pulse raced within me. I couldn’t fathom more of a dream. I saw Sophie at her sewing machine, putting together a garish curtain set to match the new shag carpeting. I saw Sophie in the bathroom, a mud mask on her face as she soaked in a bubble bath. I saw Sophie leaned over the ironing board, flattening her hair with her heavy steam iron. I saw her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her aura, and I missed her. I needed her.

But Sophie would never be in our world. Sophie was too pure, too wonderful. She would never wind up here. I needed to get a grip before this swindler had me again.

“I need to think,” I blurted, shoving the syringe into my jacket pocket. “Give me some time.”

“The time is now,” Jinn demanded, and suddenly Stew was gripping my biceps. “I need your choice, Collin. I don’t want to be rude, but matters are certainly pressing.”

“What happened to diplomacy?” I tried halfheartedly as I failed to writhe from her crony’s grasp.

“I’ve been very diplomatic with you, Collin. You know my goals. You know how you can help. I just need to know, where do you stand?”

Suddenly, we were gone again, back in the dark, dusty landscape upon which we had crossed paths so many centuries ago.

I stood tall, in the heat of the night, in cotton that had been turned to tatters as if it had rotted with my soul all these years. The man in black leaned against the sign post, cigarette long burned up, but smoke still effervescent from his nose and mouth as he breathed.

The moon shone on me and I looked down to size myself up, as if that would let me understand anything further. My feet were chapped and raw, as if I had walked for an eternity. My legs had rotted, with bone exposed amidst decaying muscles and flesh. My body was emaciated, the skin I had left blackened and blistered as if I had been burned alive.

My eyes rose again to meet the man as the pain of my mortal flesh engulfed me. I wanted to scream but had no tongue, and as I stared at the man in black, trying to make sense of it all, my vision began to fail as my eyes seemed to melt within their sockets.

As I lost sight in my memory, my agony eclipsed with Sophie’s screech. I tried to move, to go to her, but my dilapidated body crumbled in place. Instead, her terror filled me, her panic and uncertainty in this foreign world palpable as she screamed, unable to do nothing else. I begged for her peace. I ached for her freedom from this. Was she here? Had she been brought back just to suffer with me? My world deafened.

“What drives a man to do evil?” Jinn purred into my ear, and I gasped, instantly back in the apartment, my body and soul in agony, but once again whole. Her hands pressed against the backs of my shoulders, hot coals as they seared into me. “I know what drives her,” she gestured to Charlotte, then Miriam, “and I know what drives her.” She paused only a moment before circling around me. Time was frozen as her eyes pierced mine, her stare curious but without a hint of frustration. My stomach sizzled and I winced as the acid leaked into my abdomen. “But I don’t know what drives you.”

“I’m not interested in your games,” I dismissed assertively, desperate to have her out of my head. Was this all just in my mind? What were demon spawn capable of?

“Oh, but I’m interested in you,” she sang sweetly as she reached out for me. “Now, I’m sorry to press, but I need to know, will you assist us?”

Miriam stirred where she lay and I quickly moved to be with her. I cradled her torso and though Jinn’s expression was displeased, she did not argue.

“Mir?” I begged as her eyelids fluttered, as if lost in a dream. I pressed my lips to hers, begging for the smallest trace of my Glow to reach her, to get them out of her. “Miriam, come on,” I complained as I pressed my forehead to hers. My heart yearned for her to wake up, to argue with me, to disappoint me, to do anything but lie in this bastardized limbo they had created.

“You see?” I heard Stew snake behind me and that painful disappointed gasp I had heard all those lifetimes ago. “He’s the same as he’s always been. But not you, my darling. You’re the key to eternal salvation.”

As I looked behind me, to where Jinn once stood alone, now Stew and Charlotte stood next to her, though Stew was clearly holding Charlotte up from whatever drain they had made from her.

Disappointment flashed fresh across her face, as if she had never known the truth of me before. Had she been sent into her memories as well? I wanted to comfort my wife, this stranger, but there was nothing I could do for her, then or now.

“You’re better than this,” I promised her instead as I willed Miriam to wake. “Charlotte, the second drawer from the fridge. The picture of you and Miriam. You’ve kept it all this time. You know her. You love her too.”

The truth of my words flickered behind Charlotte’s hazed eyes though her pain was still so clear.

“It’s time,” the snake purred into her ear as he gripped her too hard. “You know what you have to do for us, darling. Once more and you’ll be with your son again.”

Charlotte moved carefully toward me, extending her hand as Stewart sneered behind her. “Come on, Cass. It’s almost through.”

I felt stalemated. My abdomen still ached, my legs still felt hollow, and yet I was whole. My brain swirled with their contorted realities. There was no way out.

My mind searched for her name, her true name, but it was long gone from me. Instead, I carefully released Miriam where she lay and accepted Charlotte’s hand. Silence engulfed us and we seemed to step into another world as we exited the room. Suddenly, we were back in our modest home, in our meager bed, and she was Charlotte. I couldn’t remember my wife’s face or dress or smell. It was all modern-day Charlotte as she drew me into our rough sheets, the ones we had been given at our wedding. I wondered who I was, truly or in her mind, as she leaned up to kiss me.

I felt heartbroken, being here with her again. Dusk teetered into our pane-less window. The humid air weighed heavily against my skin. Had I ever come home this early to take her?

“Cassius,” she whispered with a tear, and I trembled as the sounds and curves of our mother tongue returned to my mind, though I knew it fake. “You’re shaking.”

“I’ve failed you,” another man spoke through me, and I leaned down to embrace the woman beneath me. “I’ve failed as your husband. Forgive me for all I’ve done, my love, please.”

Charlotte’s chest heaved with a sob as she eased my cheek to her breast. I lay atop her as she stroked my hair, her touch so familiar even after all this time. Chickens rustled outside our window and a world of cities and demons and modernity felt such a distant dream. Instead, here I lay with my wife, the woman I had wronged first, the woman I had loved the least, and she held me as if I had done none of it. She held me as if I had been everything I should have been and I wanted desperately to love her for it.

“Cassius,” she whispered as her fingertips traced my ear. “I forgive you.”

I leaned up to meet her gaze and my lips met hers before she could refuse. How could she forgive me? Though, my sweet wife would never lie. I knew it must be true. Her dress slipped easily from her shoulders, as if it were never truly there, and I appreciated her like I never had. I tried to take in every inch of her, every special thing about her to memorize and appreciate, but I couldn’t. Nothing seemed real. She was as much a figment of my imagination as she was real and I worried she would disappear like my sweet Sophie had, but she didn’t.

My wife remained with me, and we consummated her forgiveness. I listened to her in a way I never had, suddenly burdened with her truths both as my wife and as Charlotte. I saw her with the archdemon, with Terry…her partner? I saw Stewart interject and rip them apart. Had she drained him for Stewart? No…had she drained him for her son?

I felt overwhelmed with Charlotte’s pain. She hadn’t wanted to lose Terry. The serpent’s claws were too far into her soul. She so desperately wanted her son. I met her eyes only to see tears flooding from them, Charlotte’s expression pained and uncertain. As much as I could hear her, she could me. It wasn’t a dream. She had traded her soul just as I had. She was ashamed, too.

“I forgive you,” I insisted to her, pressing my lips to hers. With that, her body released, and I felt no pull from her. Instead, I was absorbing her Glow, and she eagerly returned my kiss. Suddenly, I saw the tape again. Miriam’s Peggy heels—they had broken, but before or after? I couldn’t remember. But that blouse.

I haven’t had this blouse since my first week at Henry’s. My pen broke and spilled ink all over it.

It had been in a picture on Charlotte’s wall. She had fixated on it all this time. It was Charlotte in the video, not Miriam; the video was just another elaborate lie.

I panicked when I realized I couldn’t stop my pull from Charlotte. My adrenaline was too great. Instead, my wife paled beneath me, refusing to reengage, to stop me from draining her life from her. She was submitting to me. She was defying Stewart. She refused to break from me until I felt the last ounce of her enter my soul. I gasped as I finally disconnected, and as my wife basked in the moonlight, stretched so comfortably along our straw mattress, she had never looked so beautiful.

“Charlotte,” I clambered from the bed, quickly regaining my senses. I reached for my pocket, grateful when my jacket appeared even in our altered reality. “Fuck, don’t do this.” I found the glowing syringe and plunged it into her chest without another thought.

A slight puff of air from her lips was her only response as I deployed the liquid life into her.

“Charlotte!” I demanded, suddenly incensed with her. I expected to see the Glow move through her veins, as it did when we would harvest, but it wasn’t, and instead hers just continued to pulse through me. I pressed my lips to hers, desperate to return her life to her body, but it wouldn’t leave me, and the serum did nothing. Leviathan, as it existed, was a bust.

Our home faded around me and I was suddenly in a bare room, with a mattress and a lifeless Charlotte. There was no window, no chickens, no lifetime, and no life, and fury filled me. “I’m so sorry,” I promised as I touched her arm a final time.

Charlotte’s Glow pulsed through me. I had never been so full. Lyra’s score was nothing compared to having the entire life force of another demonic being inside you.

The door opened and I lunged for the light before the intruder could react. I found Stewart beneath me, and within his eyes I could see myself, a glowing ball, a small star compared to the supernova that was he and Jinn’s collision. I cinched his throat between my hands before he could speak. “You orchestrated all of this,” I seethed, furious for Charlotte. “She loved Terry and you convinced her that he had to die for her to be with her son. You are a spineless worm. You are nothing.”

Despite my grasp, Stewart smiled at my goad. He winked and a forked tongue slithered from his lips. “I’m exactly who I’m meant to be,” he growled back and I wondered what he was capable of without her. “Who are you?”

“The end of you,” was all I could manage as Charlotte’s life spun within me. She wasn’t finished and with our energies combined, perhaps I could take on this demon spawn. After all, Charlotte had managed an archdemon all her own.


Jinn’s wail pierced the silence of the room as she entered, Stewart’s corpse at my side. She dropped to her knees next to her counterpart, and I sat next to them, struggling to breathe with all the energy within me. Here she was, the queen of the ordeal, and I was caught trying not to suffocate underneath the lifespans of two infinite beings within me.

“What have you done to him?” she screeched as she lunged for me. I didn’t fight her, instead winding up pinned beneath her. Claws emerged from her fingers, shredding my torso with ease as she wailed. Still, the Glow was too much, and the cuts would heal even as she was making them. “You’ll rot,” she promised, and as she tried to sink her teeth into my mind, I felt her clouded with despair.

I was again transported to where we met, though instead of the man in black before me, it was Jinn, sobbing through her fury as she glared at me. I was Collin, the sand was blue, the sky was too bright, everything just all wrong. Sophie was in front of me, but not my Sophie. Instead, it was Sophie at her worst, at her last, writhing in her pain at the end of her life, except she was here, in my memory, staring into my soul as her screams ripped through me.

My chest tightened and I couldn’t look away from fake Sophie, but I knew she wasn’t real. She wasn’t here, suffering. This was all me. It was all wrong.

Across the blue sand, lit clearly by a green sun, a raging wolf barreled for Jinn. As it caught her, she wailed again, and I was dropped from the memory, instead again in the room, with a panicked Jinn at the mercy of an unbridled Lily. My head ached with energy and Jinn’s essence as it haunted me, even without her grip on me. I stumbled from the room, unable to see beyond the migraine behind my eyes.

“Collin!” I heard familiar voice call and I froze, desperate for her to find me. I couldn’t hear anything else beyond the shrieks and growls and hum pulsating through my head. When her arms found me, my vision gave way to darkness. “Oh Collin, come on,” she insisted as she tugged me to the floor. There was a snap of rubber against my arm, then a pinch I hadn’t felt in what felt like an eternity.

Barking erupted around us and I felt I’d lose consciousness from the sound. Miriam’s gentle frame cradled me against her, though, and though the deafening battle continued, my vision began to clear. Soon, I could breathe, and when I could finally see her, she glowed brighter than I had ever known her too, the entities of Charlotte and Stewart now divided between us.

“Thank you,” she professed with a quick kiss before disconnecting herself from me, dropping my machine to the floor next to me. She left me as quickly as she had come and it took me a moment to regain my bearings enough to disconnect myself. I stood, my legs jelly as I tried to walk, still so full but suddenly so empty, too.

“Fuck, dude,” that familiar growl filled my mind as I struggled to find her face. “You look like shit.”

A tall, thick arm wrapped around me. My Lily. Old Lily. I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her, the friend I used to have, my partner for marks and late-night bar crawls when I couldn’t bare to face Sophie. The fight, the growls, the screams, and the hum of Jinn’s power faded as Lily drug me down the stairs.

“Miriam,” I tried to plead, but Lily was having none of it, and I didn’t have the strength to fight her.

“Miriam looks a lot better than you do, fuck face,” Lily provoked and I wanted to respond, but was unable to muster one. “I think he has this under control. You’re just in the fucking way now.”

“Lily,” I tried to argue, but we were on the street, and she dumped me onto the asphalt. The snap of cold jolted me into consciousness and I saw my lumbering friend tower over me. Gashes covered her form, stuck somewhere between camouflaged and her true self. “If you think I look like shit…”

She kicked me with little passion, and I realized we were surrounded by lycanthropes, a mass of unified resistance that was dividing between the two of us and the apartment building. Two came to Lily’s aid while another lifted me from the ground. I wanted to resist but didn’t have the strength, and when my eyes opened again, I was in my bed.

Liveliness woke me through the wall and I arose with anticipation. Sophie’s parties always sounded the same, full of laughter, friends, too much alcohol, and a warmth that only comes from people that love you too much. I pulled on a robe I hadn’t touched in years, one that Sophie had bought from a catalog back in the 90s, and rushed to be part of the fun down the hall.

When I saw the group, my heart ached. This wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t Sophie and her crew. Instead, a bandaged Lily sat on the couch while an old woman I vaguely recognized doted on her—Lyra? Others were here, too, in and out of the kitchen, cooking and laughing like their world wasn’t falling around them.

“Asshole!” Lily called as she saw me and, despite Lyra’s protests, she rose to meet me. My old friend’s arms were heavy as they fell around my neck. “You’re up, and only looking half-fucked, if I do say so myself.”

The rest of the noise faded in that moment as Lily sized me up.

“Thank you for sticking up for us, even if you did almost get yourself killed.”

“I didn’t stick up for you,” I lied, grateful when she hugged me again.

“I smelled you at the warehouse, fuck face. Fuck you for thinking I was working with them.”

I melted into Lily’s hug as if it were a regular occurrence, grateful for her bluntness, grateful for her. Fuck you, I forgive you. That’s Lily. “I’ve gotta get back there,” I insisted, and Lily laughed as she released me.

“It’s over, asshole. Mir’s badass. She said to keep you detained until she got out of her meeting thing.” Lily returned to her aged sister on the couch and the elder met me with a half-smile. It was all too much, being faced with my demons.

The sun began peeking through the curtains and I grasped for a concept of the time. I reached for my phone before remembering my robe and quickly returned to my room. I sifted for my clothes but found nothing. When I moved to my closet, I caught my reflection in the lamplit mirror that hung on the door. I was gaunt, bruised, and looked as if I had been through Hell and back. Had I? I opened my robe to inspect my scratches, but my torso was clean. I wasn’t glowing at all. If anything, my skin was dull. I wondered if any of Charlotte remained with me at all.

My familiar outerwear called to me from the hamper next to my closet and I was again reminded of Sophie. I never used that hamper. I never had, and never would again. Someone else had undressed me, and thoughtfully deposited my blood-soaked clothes in the empty hamper in my room. I reached into the heap for my phone and found it, cracked but otherwise intact within my pocket.

No missed calls. No messages. Was it over?

Lightheadedness overwhelmed me and I eased back to my familiar bed. My head swam with confusion and ache until I relinquished to a well-overdue slumber.

Been waiting for this all day . . . HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I had come across a lone man leaned against a sign post several miles from the home she and I shared. He wore all black with what I now know as a cigarette perched between his lips.

I’m already getting the perfect af vibes. Like, here we are, old times and shit, and there’s this really COOL fucking guy just leaned against a sign post with a fucking cigarette THAT DOESN’T EXIST YET! OMG, I can’t even begin to describe how fucking cool or how fucking excited I am for this fucking chapter.

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“Do I know you?” I might not have asked, for his presence in the night was intimidating, even as I remember it.

Love the uncertainty if he even asked or not because he was intimidated. That’s beautiful. I love that so much.

UGH! When he says , “I know you,” KILL ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW BECAUSE THIS IS TO AWESOME FOR ME TO EVEN BE ALIVE READING IT RIGHT NOW AND I’M SO THRILLED THAT HE IS SO COOL AND HE’S HERE IN THIS TIME WHERE HE SHOULDN’T BE!

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The man was confusing, both condescending and strangely flirtatious. It was only when he flicked his cigarette to the side and approached me that I realized the interaction might be dangerous.

This is so perfectly said, but also, I’m in love with him. And I love how Col is caught up in him despite his sex and despite the fact that he obviously senses some kind of danger here. But let me tell you right the fuck now, if this guy was waiting for me leaned against a sign post with a cigarette in his mouth, I would be HIS!

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“Don’t you want to discuss?” Smoke dripped from his lips even in absence of the cigarette, and rather than dissipating in the air, it fled into his nostrils, only for the man to exhale the smoke like breath once more. “I admire you. Your tenacity. Your diligence in destroying your wife to extremes. Your…” A fresh puff of air flooded from his nose with his next word: “malfeasance.”

This whole thing . . . the whole thing. Do you hear me? The WHOLE THING! I want this. I want it to have been mine, to have come out of my mind, out of my character’s mouth, for my character to have done this cool smoke trick like he just did, but I’m so glad it was you and that you did it and I get to read it and be literally blown into the back of seat right now. Geezus, you have no idea how much I ADORE this nameless character thus far!

This is going to take awhile if I have to constantly be quoting all the coolness, but I DON’T CARE BECAUSE THIS GUY IS AWESOME!

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Screams and moans filled the air but when the throned being spoke, everything seemed to silence to make way for his voice to travel to its intended target.

<3 <3 <3 That is such a well constructed sentence. <3 <3 <3 You just . . . you have no idea how amazing you are and I CANNOT actually believe it right now!

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It can be harvested and transferred into anyone. A new cosmetic procedure, a whole chain of loan companies, life or death purposes, Collin. It’s amazing what it can do.”

I must say, Jinn is quite the capitalist. But Jinn, you didn’t tell me the name of you when disguised as the figure in black. I adored that persona!

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She was intimidating, this demon spawn, and I felt like a pawn in her game. “You could live a normal life. If you help us finish Leviathan, I will guarantee you injections for the rest of your days. No price, just as my thanks.”

This is exactly why YOU SHOULD NOT TRUST HER COL! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?! STOP ASKING PERTINENT QUESTIONS AND BEING GULLIBLE AF! WHEN MIRIAM WAKES UP SHE IS GOING TO TELL YOU HOW DUMB YOU ARE AND I CANT WAIT FOR HER TO SCOLD YOU TO DEATH OVER THIS!

Though I do see the perks for you Col, how can you? Don’t you member how that Glow was harvested? No, just no.

Dang Gf, I didn’t know this was going to have such a profound meaning behind it. How dare these demons (powerful) take advantage of the lycans (impoverished) in such a way. It makes me so angry, and even more so at Col for standing around being like, “Hmmm . . . maybe . . . but also, can I ask Mir what she thinks?”

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 I needed Miriam, conscious and supportive. But then, I didn’t know Miriam at all. I was her pawn, too. “And if I refuse?”

Did I not just fucking call this two seconds ago? I think I did? Man, I love that I know him so well that I knew he was going to want to look to Mir for an answer, but then he turns right around and second guesses her LIKE HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOWES AND PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF! Men are so dumb. So dumb. Thank god they have women to look to. <3 Sweet, sweet Mir. AND SOPHIE!

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We could be rid of you, if that’s what you prefer. Or, you could help. I will not have my dissenters in power. I won’t make you help us, but you can’t walk away like you know nothing.”

I love how this is so eloquently spelled out for him (us). I mean, it’s really simple Col, you can’t just walk away and go “nah, I don’t want no part of that.” You have three options, Join, say no and die, or say no and fight. Either way, you’re fucked, but I have a feeling one of those choices will lead you down the right path, THE ONE MIR WOULD PICK TOO!

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“If I were in power, I could release you from this prison. You could be human again, free of this burden. I could even give you a do-over, if you like.”

Ugh! Why the fuck did she say this I am so disheartened for him. This just had to go and get more complicated didn’t it!? Goddamn, Gf. It was already a fucking fuck show to begin with, and now you’re all like, fuck the power Col, I can just give you a normal life back. THE NORMAL LIFE HE WAS JUST SAYING HE WISHED HE COULD HAVE WITH MIR! Goddamn, that’s so tragic and so perfectly timed right here. I wasn’t even thinking about her offering to release him from this absolute curse! Why are you doing this to me?! But also, that’s so perfect for the fucking plot, fuck. He better not believe that shit tho. He just better not.

Quote :

I could have another shot? Jinn smiled. Could she hear my thoughts or did she just know what to say?

OF COURSE THE FUCK SHE CAN SHE IS THE FUCKING SPAWN OF FUCKING SATAN YOU DUMBASS! But also, stay the fuck out of his head and let him make an unbiased decision, Jinn. Fuck.

Quote :

“I can do your Sophie the same favor.”

OH NO THE FUCK SHE JUST DID NOT! OH MY FUCKING GOD!

*takes off running in circles around the room

OMFG! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! WHAT IN THE HOLY LIVING HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME GF! WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO BE IN ALL CAPS LOCK IN THIS REVIEW I MEANT THAT I WANTED TO BE IN ALL CAPS LOCK BECAUSE I WAS LIKE OMG THIS IS SO COOL! AND WHILE IT IS “OMG THIS IS SO COOL” IT IS ALSO GETTTING MORE AND MORE TRAGIC BY THE SECOND AND I’M JUST OVER HERE ASKING MYSELF WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU LEARN THIS FROM, ME?!

You insane, genius, beautiful Gf of mine. How in the world are you going to go and let this fucking Jinn use Sophie against him? That is just perfect and also just so not fair and so fucking sad. I literally feel like you are blackmailing ME right now! Me! I feel personally attacked. LIke, this is exactly how I felt at the end of Red Dead Redemption when they kill you and I’m like crying and then they try and make me be John Marston’s son and I’m like,

No! *puts controller down and crosses arms before eventually picking it back up in hopes that John actually isn’t dead then realizing he is and being super poed about the ending for the rest of my life*

And while I do not know if you have played that game or if you even know what I’m talking about, you should just know, that is one of the moments of my life I have felt the most betrayed, and it was beautiful because I felt it to my fucking core and that is what I’m trying to tell you I feel right now.

Are you insane? I mean, are you literally insane? Gosh . . . . I love this for us.

Quote :

Light flashed behind my eyes as I thought of her, sweet Sophie, getting a do-over. Getting to breathe, and live, and have a new shot, a different shot with or without me, but if with me, with a human me, and what would that even amount to? My pulse raced within me. I couldn’t fathom more of a dream. I saw Sophie at her sewing machine, putting together a garish curtain set to match the new shag carpeting. I saw Sophie in the bathroom, a mud mask on her face as she soaked in a bubble bath. I saw Sophie leaned over the ironing board, flattening her hair with her heavy steam iron. I saw her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her aura, and I missed her. I needed her.

GOOD FUCKING GOD!


You are doing me so wrong right now and I hope you realize that! Good god, how fucking beautiful. I want that for you too Col, but it’s much too good to be true!? You already had your life with Sophie, and she loved you, yes. Lest we forget, in this redo with Sophie, were is there room for Mir? Hmm? There isn’t. You already had Sophie. It’s time for Mir.

-----Thank god he realizes this.

Quote :

“I need your choice, Collin. I don’t want to be rude, but matters are certainly pressing.”

Lol Stew. I do love you, but are you still small? Because if you are, LOL, but if you aren’t, PURRRR! But also, I imagined you were tall right now. And that might just be my personal choice, but still, I hope you are little cause it’s funny and you’re funny for saying this.

---okay so lol, I just went back to this line and I realize Jinn said it, but if Stew would’ve said it, the comment applies. <3 Sorry for being dumb.

Quote :

“What happened to diplomacy?” I tried halfheartedly as I failed to writhe from her crony’s grasp.

Col getting lippy <3 I love that for him.

Quote :

in cotton that had been turned to tatters as if it had rotted with my soul all these years. 

YES! WE’RE BACK HERE! But also, this line is beautiful.

Quote :

The man in black leaned against the sign post, cigarette long burned up, but smoke still effervescent from his nose and mouth as he breathed.

The moon shone on me and I looked down to size myself up, as if that would let me understand anything further. My feet were chapped and raw, as if I had walked for an eternity. My legs had rotted, with bone exposed amidst decaying muscles and flesh. My body was emaciated, the skin I had left blackened and blistered as if I had been burned alive.

My eyes rose again to meet the man as the pain of my mortal flesh engulfed me. I wanted to scream but had no tongue, and as I stared at the man in black, trying to make sense of it all, my vision began to fail as my eyes seemed to melt within their sockets.

Quoting of all this to say how fucking glorious it is! Are you serious right now with this?! You are amazing. Why do you think you can’t do shit like this? You pull it off with such elegance. I’m jell right now. But I love this imagery. WTF IS GOING ON!?

Quote :

My stomach sizzled and I winced as the acid leaked into my abdomen. “But I don’t know what drives you.”

Man she is being so mean to him right now! Like WTF!? BACK THE FUCK OFF JINN! STOP TORTURING MY POOR COL! HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE MIR HERE TO DEFEND HIM!

But really, this fucking sequence of him suffering in all these agonizing ways is just . . . . amazing. God. WTF!

Quote :

My heart yearned for her to wake up, to argue with me, to disappoint me, to do anything but lie in this bastardized limbo they had created.

WAEH! WAEEEEHHH AS FUCK RIGHT NOW! MIRIAM, YOU BETTER WAKE THE FUCK UP AND HELP THIS BOY RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! Don’t let them do this to him, Mir. Omg, I’m so upset right now . . . .wake up.

Quote :

I felt heartbroken, being here with her again. Dusk teetered into our pane-less window. The humid air weighed heavily against my skin. Had I ever come home this early to take her?

What beautiful scene setting. And I love the question at the end of it.

Quote :

I haven’t had this blouse since my first week at Henry’s. My pen broke and spilled ink all over it.

It had been in a picture on Charlotte’s wall. She had fixated on it all this time. It was Charlotte in the video, not Miriam; the video was just another elaborate lie.

*Puts hands together*

When I tell you that I LITERALLY stopped reading and looked up at my ceiling for a solid 30 seconds after I read this, I am absolutely not lying to you. I was fixing to stop so I could rant about them having sex, but I couldn’t stop because the scene was sucking me in like hardcore, and then I come to this fucking section. This fucking section Gf. I am LITERALLY sitting here typing this through my tears because I have tears in my eyes. And I am not exaggerating at all right now. I literally have tears in my fucking eyes.

Let me just break this down for you.

I believe I called this last night. I said that bitch (or someone) but that bitch was masquerading as Miriam. I FUCKING SAID THAT! And here I am, reading along, having forgotten about that tiny incident last night were stupid fucking Col was questioning here even though she was like, they’re going to try and fool the shit out of you Col, but we’re in this together.

Okay, so I’ve let that go for now because I’m engrossed in this mindfuck of a chapter that Jinn is orchestrating. She’s straight up puppeteering this shit. And so, Col goes back and he’s with Char. And he feels guilty and all that. They have sex, and he sees all her woes and all that and she knows he sees and she’s already forgiven him she says, then Col is all like, WOW, I suck, I forgive you too. You’ve really went through it “wife who’s name I still can’t remember.”

And then. And then. And then he fucking realizes. And then I just sit in my chair with my head back staring up to the cieling trying not to fucking cry because it is so fucking painful that he realizes it at thsi exact fucking moment. Right after he’s allowed himself to be vulnerable with her, giving her somethign he never had before, and then it just BLOWS THE FUCK UP RIGHT IN HIS FUCKING FACE! And he doesn’t deserve that, Gf. He doesn’t even though he does. But when I tell you, I think this is the strongest reaction I’ve ever had, I mean it.

I just fucking knew it, but I didn’t see it coming. And it was played out so perfectly at just the right time. I’m telling you right the fuck now. You pulled the carpet right out from under me with that one.I hope this essay I’ve written tells you that.

Quote :

She was submitting to me. She was defying Stewat . . . . . .“Fuck, don’t do this.” I found the glowing syringe and plunged it into her chest without another thought.

Gf. . . . when I tell you that I nearly had a heart attack. . . .

I was reading along, and I got to the end of this section and, GF , I literally pounded my fists on my desk. This is no joke. This is no fucking joke because my sister’s dog that I’m babysitting right not was sitting beside me and THAT MOTHERFUCKER GOT SCARED WHEN I HIT MY DESK AND TOOK OFF RUNNING AND HIT MY EXTENSION CORD WHICH UNPLUGGED MY ENTIRE SET UP AND MY LAPTOP DOESN’T HAVE A BATTERY SO IT RUNS OFF THE OUTLET AND MY COMPUTER JUST WENT FUCKING BLACK AND I HAD A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK!

I’ve been over here dying from my emotion over this, because like, no, don’t save her you idiot. Let her go. Let her the fuck go! You’ve caused her enough pain and she’s actually being selfless and letting you live cause she has nothing she wants to live for and you are going to use the syringe THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO USE ON MIR (I THINK) TO SAVE HER! Are you just dumb or stupid Col!? Gawl, he has attachment/separation issues, obviously highlighted here.

Thank you to my off-brand ms office software WPS Office for auto saving a backup for me so that I literally only lost 3 letters off the end of the essay I had just typed before this.

But Col, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING!? MY HEARTSTRINGS ARE THIN AND BROKEN! ARE YOU TRYING TO RIP MY HEART OUT TOO! AND BY COL I MEAN GF!

Quote :

Leviathan, as it existed, was a bust.

ARE YOU FUCKING JERKING ME AROUND WITH THIS SHIT OR WHAT THE FUCK?! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!

You told me this chapter would be exhausting, and it fucking is! Are you serious? Are you for real? Now he only has one choice, BYE BYE JINN!

Quote :

a small star compared to the supernova that was he and Jinn’s collision

I’ve been ranting on my other quotes, but just wanna’ say the imagery of this is fantastically beautiful <3

Quote :

“The end of you,” was all I could manage as Charlotte’s life spun within me. She wasn’t finished and with our energies combined, perhaps I could take on this demon spawn. After all, Charlotte had managed an archdemon all her own.

UGH! I AM IN YOUR CORNER COL! AND YOU TOO CHAR! AVENGE HER! AVENGE THIS! But also, I just fucking died when he said, “The end of you.” That was awesome af right there.

Quote :

Across the blue sand, lit clearly by a green sun, a raging wolf barreled for Jinn. As it caught her, she wailed again, and I was dropped from the memory, instead again in the room, with a panicked Jinn at the mercy of an unbridled Lily. My head ached with energy and Jinn’s essence as it haunted me, even without her grip on me. I stumbled from the room, unable to see beyond the migraine behind my eyes.

What the actual fuck is this geniusness? Like literally? This is so fucking cool, and then here’s Lily reprising her role in my heart as the bitter af loyal af friend! Goddamn, I love her, and I love the insanity of this entire scene. It’s like a weird painting coming to life, like he’s living in all these dimensions at once. He’s become this super powerful being thanks to Char and Stew, all though Stew didn’t want it. But holy fuck, this is just beautiful. I am so speechless right now. And Sophie always being there, screaming, there’s something too that I’m not smart enough to piece together yet. Almost like a hell made just for Col.

Quote :

“Miriam looks a lot better than you do, fuck face,” Lily provoked and I wanted to respond, but was unable to muster one. “I think he has this under control. You’re just in the fucking way now.”

Goddamn, she is just what we need on the tail end of this climactic scene. Fucking Lily, I literally just want to cry that you are here and that you ripped Jinn’s throat right the fuck out. You are amazing.

Quote :

“If you think I look like shit…”

Aw fucking awwwwww right now. How the fuck cute is that? I literally laughed in relief when he said that. That is so endearing and perfect right here. Goddamnit Col, I fucking love you.

Quote :

Sophie’s parties always sounded the same, full of laughter, friends, too much alcohol, and a warmth that only comes from people that love you too much.

<3 <3 <3 My heart is so full right now.

Quote :

“Asshole!” Lily called as she saw me and, despite Lyra’s protests, she rose to meet me. My old friend’s arms were heavy as they fell around my neck. “You’re up, and only looking half-fucked, if I do say so myself.”

I just fucking love her so much.

Quote :

“I smelled you at the warehouse, fuck face. Fuck you for thinking I was working with them.”

Come on, Lil. You were being sus af. But also, the story needed that moment so there.

Quote :

I never used that hamper. I never had, and never would again. Someone else had undressed me, and thoughtfully deposited my blood-soaked clothes in the empty hamper in my room. I reached into the heap for my phone and found it, cracked but otherwise intact within my pocket.

That someone is Mir <3 and she is badass, thanks for noticing Lil.

Just what the fuck Gf? You took me on the ride of my fucking life. This is literally the actual climax to an actual story that you actually wrote. Can you believe?! I’m so fucking impressed right now. I went through so much in this chapter. It was just as nail-bitingly tense as if I were watching it happen. You had me so engrossed. So fucking enraged. So full of love for these characters by the end of this chapter. Geez. How do you do this? This is fucking gold right here. I am so overwhelmed. Now Mir is off settling shit. Goddamn. I don’t have a prediction for the very end, but I can’t fucking wait to find the fuck out.

BYE JINN AND STEW!

Also, Charlotte, I forgive you too.


Love, Bf