Ben
Introduce Ben & bonding. Note on the chapter song quote: “Nothing’s ever out of reach when you’re seventeen.” — Sign that she should be 17 rather than 18? Why do I struggle so much with this?!?!
Change to—bonding at the High Line. Maybe first she goes to a show? But if she is doing this last minute, she might not can get tickets. Consider that. Look into what on BW would be the most poetic, since I’m trying to avoid song poetry here. Also—hostels?
Maybe he invites her to a party? Explore maybe—dead and hallucinogens? Who is at this party? What is it for? Who?
NYC = independence, not Ben from the get go. Maybe she needs time to be lonely. Consider ditching suitcase for backpack, as it would be easier for her to look less like a tourist with a backpack rather than a suitcase.
Enter: Ben
Salvageable. Julia & Ben.
Julia meets Ben. Awkward! Now we need to get them to a place of bonding, but the way I currently have it written sounds a bit ominous. Julia keeps thinking objections, which sends an ominous feel to the reader, where really maybe she goes with him out of a sense of adventure rather than naive “trust?” Also, alternative scenario, Julia gets off the coach late and gets caught up wandering around the city. She finds herself at the High Line, where Ben finds her? Makes it less “omg you just got here helloooooo” and more “Oh, chance meeting of a sweet/nonthreatening boy in this adventurous location?” It lends itself to easy conversation with an interesting, pressure-less location.
Plus it’s not like she has anything better to do. Soooo…
Breakfast at IHOP
Unnecessary. Julia & Ben.
What’s with all these restaurants?
No phone! No song lyrics! No band name dropping! $$$$$$$$$$$$$ Except maybe.
If I’m not going to note the Georgia thing here, because this scene is pretty useless in general, I need to make sure to note it somewhere else.
Also he hints in this chapter that he’s older than he is. I think that’s worth saving for elsewhere.
So my notes here are a bit blah. At one point I decide that Julia is 18, graduated. At another point, I have “Ben—19? Still in HS? Consider” — Uhm, true that, me! I’m dumb. I guess he’s 18 then? And Julia is 17? God, these people are children…
Gets to Hotel
Unnecessary. Julia & Ben.
None of this is really necessary, is it? Also, it can be without Ben, as she gets her own room. Maybe she already had a room, so he doesn’t have to be there? But <3
this is their love segue. Idk. The whole scene reads a bit stranger dangery, and that’s no good.
Also, he is NOT using a gross masseuse pick up line on her, whether it’s true or not. KILL.
Keep:
“…as he adjusted his coat—a light, denim jacket with a variety of pockets. The sleeves were upturned at the cuffs, and the length of the jacket hit him right at the waist.”
Hotel - Next Morning
Unnecessary. Julia & Ben.
Keep:
“Julia reached forward to place her hand on Ben’s, smiling when it immediately silenced him, his lips still parted.”